STARRED REVIEW by blueink
A New Look at Caregiving: Two Halves of a Whole
Linda Edgar, R.N., PhD
Lindaedgar.com, 135 pages, (paperback) $14, 9780986613326
(Reviewed: October 20014)
As baby boomers careen towards their golden years, they are upending the norm and shifting
sensibilities just as they have in every other life stage. And along with this stampede into aging
and ailment, they bring with them bookshelves full of advice on how best to navigate caregiving
for partner or parent.
Into this crowded genre, a lovely little gem emerges, called A New Look at Caregiving: Two
Halves of a Whole. Slim in length, the manual is deceptively deep and useful in its reassurance
without the usual claptrap of earnest selflessness or smarmy sentimentality. Author Linda
Edgar, who says she is living a caregiver’s life, reveals her premise in the title: that both halves
in the equation of caregiver and those cared for must be “on equal footing.” It is an
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To illustrate her thought, Edgar cites the grim statistic from a recent gerontology study that more
than 30% of caregivers will die before the person for whom they are caring.
With each page of suggestion and strategies for problem solving and self-care, she includes a
facing page of affirmations from an incredible stable of sources—from Langston Hughes to
William Shakespeare; Dr. Seuss to a fortune cookie. While corny in theory, it works well
because she has been so diligent in finding sentiments exactly on point. When suggesting
caregivers cut themselves some slack, for example, she quotes the words of singer Lena
Horne: “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it is the way you carry it.”
The writing is fresh and the advice feels like something an overwhelmed caregiver might turn to
over and over again. Much of it is not new, such as finding humor in the mundane and painful.
But her style is spare and sly. It is the unexpected twists that lift it from the ordinary: “Laughter is
internal jogging,” she writes of stress relief.
The goal for anyone struggling to maintain themselves while caregiving is to find harmony in a
difficult day-to-day existence. Edgar calls it “enlightenment and laundry.” Bingo.
Linda Edgar, R.N., PhD
ed
Good morning Ms. Edgar!
I am a researcher for Globe and Mail columnists Marc and Craig Kielburger. Our column, “Brain Storm”, attempts to crowd-source solutions to pressing social issues by collecting brief comments from experts and posting them online on a Tuesday, eliciting comments from readers through the week, and printing a final article with the best ideas in the following Friday’s print edition of the Globe and Mail.
For an upcoming column, we noticed that Canada’s mental health commission recently reported that middle-aged Canadians are experiencing intense levels of stress while caring for ill and elderly parents. There are some government programs to help caregivers, but the financial, emotional and physical tolls are unprecedented as baby boomers live longer than any previous generation. This week’s question: How can we help each other cope with the strain of caring for our aging relatives?
Our goal is to initiate passionate and informed conversation among our readers, and we believe your perspective would help launch the discussion. Ideally, your top 1-2 prescriptions for individual Canadians in helping our loved ones, neighbours and friends who are caring for elderly relatives, or even practical advice for those in the direct position of caregiver on how to cope, would work best with our format.
We unfortunately only have room for 35-50 words from each of our three experts, so ideally, we could use 1-2 sentences (or more, given the breadth of topics I’ve asked, from which I can select excerpts that best fit the conversation and complement our other experts) emailed to me at this address, ideally by the end of Tuesday, February 17, or alternatively by Noon ET Wednesday. I am attaching below one of our last columns for your reference.
I look forward to e-meeting you!
Best wishes,
Ed Gillis
Writer | Free The Children
M: 604-366-9309 | http://www.freethechildren.com
———————
Have Your Say: How can we help friends and loved ones with depression?
Craig and Marc Kielburger founded Free The Children and Me to We. Their biweekly Brain Storm column taps experts and readers for solutions to social issues.
One of the strongest people we know stood on the We Day stage in Vancouver recently and told a stadium packed with people that she had suffered from depression. Canadian rowing legend Silken Laumann came back from a shattered leg to win an Olympic medal in just 10 weeks in 1992. But ’coming out’ about her own depression was a challenge given the stigma that still surrounds mental illness.
One in five Canadians will experience some form of mental illness in their lifetime, and half of those will have clinical depression. Toronto’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health estimates that 230,000 people in Ontario, alone, considered taking their own life in 2013.
Mental health is a complex and uncomfortable topic to broach with even our closest friends and relatives. From noticing symptoms and gently encouraging professional help, to providing support for those with a diagnosis, many of us don’t step in to offer our time and care because we’re unsure of how to do so in a respectful and helpful way. Too often, we don’t even know what to say to start the conversation. But experts agree that having a supportive community is an important factor in coping with the illness—so given how pervasive this disease is, we need to get more comfortable with discussing depression.
We’ve asked experts to weigh in, below, on how we can best support our friends and loved ones who have depression. And because almost of us are touched by mental health in some way, we want to know what lessons you learned, too. If you’ve suffered from depression, how have your friends and family helped you? What did they do that helped—and what didn’t work? If you’ve supported someone with mental illness, what advice would you give?
Our hope is that if we all become more informed about what good support for depression looks like, we’ll be more likely to reach out to someone we care about who could use our care.
This week’s question: How can we best support friends and loved ones with depression?
THE EXPERTS:
Sarah Hamid-Balma, director of mental health promotion, Canadian Mental Health Association, B.C. division
“Let them you’ve noticed changes, you’re concerned and you want to help. Listen. Don’t judge. Don’t give advice. Don’t diagnose. Don’t pretend you’re in their shoes. Just be there for them.”
Dr. Stan Kutcher, Sun Life Financial chair in adolescent mental health,Dalhousie University, Halifax
“Pick a time when everyone is calm and collected. Express your affection and care. Identify your own worries and concerns. Ask your teen what they think and go from there. Sometimes it takes a few conversations to get to the point of convincing them to seek help.”
Dr. Lephuong Ong, registered psychologist, Vancouver
“When offering support, ask how he or she would prefer to be supported. Some may want a friend or family member to attend appointments with them, while others may be uncomfortable sharing how they feel but appreciate someone who accompanies them on walks.”
Kendra Harris
Hello Mrs. Edgar,
I am in the process of organizing a caregivers event here in Maryland. My sorority, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc., has a national partnership with the Alzheimer’s Association. During the month of November, we will be celebrating Caregivers month and I think your book would be a great addition to our program. We are a non-profit organization and I was wondering if you would be able to donate at least 20 of your books to this event? I think the role of the caregiver is so important and any inspiring word or book would mean a great deal to them! Our program will be held November 23rd at the Holy Cross Adult Day Center, we will be offering a spa day to the caregivers. I know this is asking a lot, but if you are able to donate your books please let me know, If you have other ideas I welcome them as well! Thank you in advance.