I spent a morning with a new friend who has been looking after her husband who has had Alzheimer’s for several years. I came away awed, impressed and scared. Awed because her task is monumental and yet she handles it so well; impressed at the ways she has found to sustain herself; and scared because I’m not sure I can do as well.
How does she do it? Here are just a few strengths that I noticed that morning:
She writes newsy descriptions of her day, about how she feels, and the issues she faces-from a lack of resources in the community to how wonderful it is when a neighbour pops in with fresh vegetables.
Another plus is her determination, tenacity and resolve to fight for the help she needs – from local organizations, hospice respite, travel and support services. She knows that time for her self is vital and she fights for that time.
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Other strengths are her honesty and humour – life has changed for her in ways none of us could have predicted, and accepting that and then dealing with it openly and head on is an amazing gift.
I could go on, but I am in awe of what is possible in this complex world of caregiving.
Janine Cobb
I have just bought and read New Look at Caregiving: Two Halves of a Whole and am determined to incorporate many of your suggestions. My husband is on the Assisted Living floor of this seniors’ residence, while I have a small one-bedroom apartment on another floor. He has Parkinson’s and is afflicted with Parkinson’s Disease Dementia which is,on the one hand, interesting to observe and try to understand and, on the other hand, absolutely devastating. I would be able to deal with his dying but to have him disappear in front of me like this is very difficult. I am constantly mourning the man I knew and married and lived with for 57 years, and I miss him beyond all telling. He wants me near him all the time but I cannot do that; it is just too boring and too painful. And I am trying to live a semblance of a life on my own — the not-quite-widow. (He was a volunteer at the Vic’s Palliative Care unit for ten years so it is ironic that he should be so disabled now.)